Why I am taking SAM-e for Depression

I have been struggling.

It has been ten months since the walls of my subconscious crumbled and the flashbacks began. Since then I have sat with a therapist twice a week as I work through processing the reality of my childhood and reconciling it with the narrative I have created in my mind.

It’s been ten months of insane ups and downs as I learn to live with anxiety, insomnia, nightmares, flashbacks, and a flow of tears from a well so deep I wonder if they will ever end.

Since I began therapy, I have completed a PTSD spectrum questionnaire with my therapist three times: the first to establish where I was when I showed up in crisis (72), 4 months later (43), and again just recently (48). Obviously, when I first presented I was off the charts, I was in emergency mode. Then I thought I had it all figured out (so I disassociated again) and my score dropped; now I realize this is for life, I have to live with it, and my score has gone up again.

I guess I should be fair and weigh the influence the last month has also had on me, and thus on the answers I recently gave. After spending over 20 years disassociated from a childhood of abuse, neglect, and abandonment – it is intense what I am feeling as I have suddenly become aware of the anniversary dates of traumatic events from my childhood.

The anniversary of my abuser’s suicide was in November followed a few days later by his birthday; two dates that have never crossed my mind as relevant until this year.

A few short weeks later, just last week, the anniversary of my mother’s death; a loss I feel more profoundly the older and more aware I become. I imagine it has to do with the little that I actually know about her and so her loss created a void that cannot be put into words; especially as I see how important I am to my own children and I realize what I have missed.

So yeah, I’m struggling; a lot. I have no motivation to do normal day-to-day stuff, I have sleep issues, I deal with constant sadness, anxiety, disconnection from the people and the things that I love – in summary, it has been a very exhausting and horrible existence. Normal adult responsibility saps me of any, and all energy, and then the anxiety that comes from not getting basic household chores done is ridiculous– it is a vicious cycle.

Medications have come up lately in conversation with close friends and with my counselors, but I have been hesitant, mostly due to personal experiences in the past.

A few weeks ago, my EMDR therapist gave me a sheet with information on herbal supplements to check out, all of them known to assist with symptoms of depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. She recommended SAM-e, as it boasts a lot of positive results.

I went home and did some reading.

In order for the body to create necessary chemicals for homeostasis; it relies on numerous agents already present; one being SAM-e (S-Adenosylmethionine) which is linked to serotonin and dopamine production. SAM-e is a chemical that our bodies produce naturally with the help of other vitamins, however, since SAM-e is not found in most foods we eat, if the body isn’t producing enough, only a supplement will help elevate levels. I am quite certain I am not producing enough SAM-e naturally.

It can be taken by mouth or by injection. It has been available in the United States since 1999; in Italy since 1979, and Germany since 1985. Italy, Germany, and Spain have been using SAM-e as a prescription medication for the treatment of depression, among a list of numerous other health issues, for decades. Additionally, through numerous controlled studies throughout the UK, it has been found that SAM-e has a high success rate of alleviating depression with a virtually nonexistent list of side effects.

I decided to purchase some and give it a go. I mean seriously, something has to give!!

Over the last 3 weeks, I have increased myself from 400mg per day to 600mg, and I will increase that to 800mg over the next week. Since I began taking SAM-e, things have begun to come back into color. That is the only way I can describe what it is like. I still feel sad, I still have moments of anxiety, nothing seems to stop the flashbacks, and yes – at times I still want to curl up on the couch and just cry, forever; but I feel more connected, I am able to get things done through my tears, I am interacting more socially, I am even sleeping better. I hope that as I increase my dosage, things continue to improve.

I am cautiously optimistic about this new treatment for me. At this time, I have suffered no negative side effects, only positive reconnection, and bursts of motivation that have been missing from my life for months.

I still have such a long way to go, and this supplement will not help me alone, it has become the newest tool in my resource kit for coping with complex PTSD from childhood abuse, and I am happy for the assistance it seems to give.

Below are some sources I used when I did my reading on the benefits and studies of SAM-e.

If you are interested in purchasing this supplement, just click the link below. It will take you to this brand specifically but you can check out and purchase a different brand if you choose.

Note: I am taking this supplement under the guidance of a therapist. If you are struggling with depression like I have been, I implore you to please seek professional help as well.

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Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and then follow my blog.

Please stop by and check out the essential oils that I use for coping and the books that I reference for clarity and understanding as I learn to live with PTSD.

Products are linked to purchase for your convenience; and your support through my affiliate links (at no additional costs to you) help me maintain this blog and continue sharing my journey to heal.

Love & Support 💜💚

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References:

Kowlton, Leslie (2001, May 01) Investigating SAM-e for Depression Retrieved from: http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/depression/investigating-sam-e-depression

Ehrlich, Steven D (2015, Nov 06) S-adenosylmethionine Retrieved from: http://www.umm.edu/health/medical/altmed/supplement/sadenosylmethionine

WebMd, LLC (2005-2017) SAMe Retrieved from: https://www.webmd.com/vitamins-supplements/ingredientmono-786-same.aspx?activeingredientid=786&activeingredientname=same

~~~~~

Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and then follow my blog.

Please stop by and check out the essential oils that I use for coping and the books that I reference for clarity and understanding as I learn to live with PTSD.

Do you have a hobby? I make homemade cards as part of my self care routine.

If music plays a big role in coping for you, like it does for me, try this 30-day free trial and enjoy all the music you desire at your finger tips.

Products are linked to purchase for your convenience; and your support through my affiliate links (at no additional costs to you) help me maintain this blog and continue sharing my journey to heal.

Love & Support 💜💚

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