It’s Working; so why can’t I just admit it?

I haven’t felt this connected in quite some time. I has been almost a year since I have truly felt the present moment,  been aware of my accomplishments, of my happiness, of the good things that I do have, as I have battled the most severe depressive state I have ever experienced.

SAM-e changed all that. It is the one major change I have made in the last 5 weeks and I am so thankful that my therapist recommended this option versus a SSRI to me.

Yet, I feel weird talking about it. Every time I mentioned how this alternative medication (supplement) has done wonders for me over the last month, I always find that I minimize it by immediately following it up with a comment about “it could just be a placebo affect” that “it could all be in my head – but I’ll take it”.

Why can’t I just say – “this medication is doing wonders for me”. I feel like I am getting pieces of my life back, which is an amazing thing is you could understand the depths of which I feel like I am finally ascending; or if I could really illustrate the color that has returned to my world.

So why am I have such a hard time embracing the benefits and believing in them?

For starters, I really am nervous it may all be in my head because I want it to work SO bad. I’m terrified that eventually I’ll slip back into that darkness, and I don’t want that. Life has been hard to navigate with the weight of grief and depression that I have been living with.

I am also having a hard time reconciling I am a person who needs to take medication to function.

I feel like I am paying a lifetime’s price for heinous abuses that others inflicted upon me.

It has altered my abilities to cope, to process, to feel; it takes me a little bit extra sometimes.

More than anything I think that is just really, really hard for me to accept.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again – it’s not the abuse that it hard to accept, or the family betrayals; that is what has caused my grief, my depression. It is accepting the lifelong emotional effects that I have to live with due to the actions of others, it’s the physiological changes in my brain due to the traumas I endured, things I had no control over – those are the things that are hardest to accept.

I guess for me, working on accepting that I need medicinal help to fully function (currently, or perhaps for life) is my next step towards recovery.

Good thing I have SAM-e to help me!

. . .

For those wondering, I take a total of 800mg of SAMe per day split into two doses which is a treatment dose (twice the ‘supplemental’ dosage), per the recommendation and guidance of my therapist. You can read about the research I have done on this supplement in my post here and check out the links I cited.

 

~~~~~

Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and then follow my blog.

Please stop by and check out the essential oils that I use for coping and the books that I reference for clarity and understanding as I learn to live with PTSD.

Do you have a hobby? I make homemade cards as part of my self care routine.

If music plays a big role in coping for you, like it does for me, try this 30-day free trial and enjoy all the music you desire at your finger tips.

Products are linked to purchase for your convenience; and your support through my affiliate links (at no additional costs to you) help me maintain this blog and continue sharing my journey to heal.

Love & Support πŸ’œπŸ’š

5 thoughts on “It’s Working; so why can’t I just admit it?

Add yours

  1. Pardon the possibly annoying English teacher perspective but maybe it is “just in your head.” Except, not “just” because that’s exactly where it should be. I mean, when it comes to the brain I guess placebo effect or not, it’s hitting us where it matters. You know? You deserve to celebrate the progress. (Though, for the record, I do know how easy it is to succumb to minimizing; like, if we don’t accept that something is really good then the other shoe can’t ever drop).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve also looked into supplements to add to my depression treatment. My naturopath and I decided on L-methylfolate, which is a SAMe precursor, and like SAMe acts as a methyl donor. It definitely seems to help me, and it looks like there’s decent research evidence to support both SAMe and L-methylfolate.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Carl Setzer Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: