He didn’t protect me,
he made me available.
He didn’t love me,
he used me.
He didn’t teach me,
he frightened me.
I cried silently,
so he wouldn’t hear.
Still, I wanted to stay with him forever.
When I needed him as a child,
his priorities conflicted.
When it mattered the most,
he betrayed me.
A witness for the defense,
he took his side.
Still, I loved him and needed his love in return.
I left at 14, seeking haven with other loved ones.
He told me I was a gold-digger.
He called me a meal ticket.
He told me to go to hell.
Still, I cried for him often.
He stopped talking to me completely.
He sent a Christmas card back ‘return to sender’.
Still, I kept that unopened card because of his handwriting.
And then he died.
Suddenly, unexpected, young.
With no apologies,
no admission of guilt,
no acceptance of responsibility.
And he left me an orphan at 25.
I have found closure to be fleeting.
acceptance a struggle,
and emotions overwhelming.
He was my father.
but only in name.
Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and then follow my blog.
If music plays a big role in coping for you, like it does for me, try this 30-day free trial and enjoy all the music you desire at your finger tips.
Products are linked to purchase for your convenience; and your support through my affiliate links (at no additional costs to you) help me maintain this blog and continue sharing my journey to heal.
Love & Support 💜💚