Dear Father On Your Birthday

It is hard work;
reconciling the love I feel for you,
with the painful reality of your numerous betrayals.

It would be easier just to hate you.

Maybe then I wouldnโ€™t wrestle with the feeling that I am letting you off the hook. 

Separate the person from the actions –
love the person, be angry at their behavior.

Still , when that behavior is so abhorrent,
that it leaves pain and grief,
shame and embarrassment,
confusion and shattered senses in its wake for a lifetime …

when it is from someone who I looked upon as protector and caregiver;
when it is you, my father…

Can I really separate the behavior from the person?

Can I love you and hate what you did?

Can I miss you and grieve your death while also mourning my childhood, which you helped destroy?

Sometimes I think I can, sometimes I can’t.

Is this what healing is?
Is this what moving on means?
Is this how I overcome what you have done?

By remembering.
By feeling.
By hurting.

And despite you,

By loving.
By growing.
By living.


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Love & Support ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’š

11 thoughts on “Dear Father On Your Birthday

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  1. This is a heart-wrenchingly beautiful. I really like your poetry style. Thanks for sharing. I know it isn’t easy to bring up past hurt, but for me, poetry has always made it easier to do so. You are very brave for sharing this.

    PS: Can you please delete my last comment? It posted before I was ready.

      1. Hello. So heart wrenching. I feel you. I lost my father three months ago. Iโ€™m parentless now. He was not a kind man. So abusive. So much trauma. The hope of ever having the Dad I deserved and never had is gone. This is such a grueling journey. ๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜ข I wish you peace on yours.

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