I didn’t ask for his attention,
but all my friends kept telling me how cute he was.
I think I had a crush on him,
I mean, we never hung out,
we didn’t have the same friends,
but I must have liked him.
So I ignored what I felt;
It was freshman year,
he was in the play,
and we were in a scene together.
Our breaks during rehearsal were always at the same.
I never knew how it happened really,
though, it happened a couple times.
We would end up outside the theater,
darkness and bushes hiding us from view
as the evening wore on.
Let’s kiss he’d say,
or I want to put my hand up your shirt.
I was so embarrassed,
and what time was it anyway?
What if the director called our scene and we weren’t there?
My stomach would drop and I remember feeling my cheeks get hot.
How did I end up here, again?!
I had no choice.
Can this please be over.
He was older,
if I said no – what would the other girls think?
What would he think?
Worse, what would he say about me, if I didn’t do it?
And so I let him grope me.
And so I kissed him.
a teenage boy,
made far more sense in my young mind
than what I had already experienced;
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