I sat down and played around with some new holiday stamps I bought yesterday and whipped together a few Christmas cards after some trial and error.
It felt good to be creative.
Made me realize, for as much as I feel like I’m managing my mental health better these days, I am still struggling.
It’s been months since I last sat down and really dove into my crafts. It’s still a struggle to socialize outside the realm of work and actual necessity.
I hardly ever write anymore.
As I reflect it is dawning on me the magnitude of the dates I’m living through this week …
The anniversary of the trial and suicide of my abuser.
My birthday; also the day my 21 year old mother slipped into an 18-day coma before passing, an awareness I’ve avoided my whole life (until now) which has become a very painful issue for me lately.
Also this week, my abuser’s bday. Never really thought about it before, but I’ve always known in the back of my mind. After all, I grew up practically sharing a bday with my grandpa; at one time … that was pretty cool.
Waking up from dissociation is difficult, conscious awareness carries with it many emotions I’m not used to.
It makes sense I’m struggling.
So yes, focusing my mind on creating something unique and pretty this morning felt good.
I had forgotten however, how much time goes into them, and I need to make at least 50 more … my Christmas card list isn’t so small. 🎄😅
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