“I did what my conscience told me to do, and you can’t fail if you do that.”
When I read these words today, they spoke to all of my self-doubt, to the vulnerability and fear I feel, and the anxiousness of sharing some very personal (embarrassing even) moments of my life in order to own my story, to learn, to grow – and to share with others.
Fighting off shame is a near daily thing as I share the thoughts and reactions that I feel and display. I do this because …
I want survivors like me to not feel so alone; I want to feel not so alone.
I want to help our loved ones and allies better understand what is going on in our heads.
I want all of us to learn about C-PTSD together so that we can practice more patience with ourselves, help others like us, and find our way towards healing and wholeness.
I want to be a part of addressing this pandemic that has taken over this world; there are a lot of children who need protection, understanding, and safety.
I will tell my story; all the ugly, messy, and chaotic truths about how childhood abuse manifests in adulthood. I will share what living with C-PTSD (due to events I wish I could erase from my sensory, emotional, and visual memory) really looks like.
Right now, that is what my conscience is telling me to do.
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