“If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces.”
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Today I plan to take charge of my day rather than allowing it to take charge of me. The last week has been full of intense stress, triggering emotional situations, and a lot of facing my inner child in order to better recognize when I need to comfort her so she doesn’t rage against everything in my present life. It has left me in a pretty dark and lonely place which is taking a lot of mental strength to pull myself out of.
Last night I had therapy; we had a plan from the week prior to use EMDR to address the issues I have been having with my oldest so I went in ready to do to the work. If only it were that easy. Avoidance, sensory shut down, withdrawal and a completely blank mind – that’s all that I got. That is how immensely my home situation is affecting me and triggering responses; I want my brain to do one thing and it literally was like “yeah right lady, I’m not going anywhere near those issues.”
I feel pretty helpless when my brain and body are on separate pages from me, I often look at my therapist with wide eyes, pleading for insight into how to even begin to fix this.
Self-care, and patience. Meditation, yoga, writing, hobbies, coping techniques – anything to keep me actively engaged and connected. That is all I can do – well that and continue to go after this issue in therapy until my mind is ready to face it.
One thing this did make me realize is that EMDR is way more than the majority of the information online so I have begun working on a small series to go into more depth about what EMDR is really like for a trauma survivor. Not just the technique, but how the process actually feels. I plan to work on it over the weekend and publish it next week.
Today, I am taking my youngest to the library for book time, to rent some new movies, and so she can play with the other children. Then we are heading out for lunch at a friend’s house; just what my exhausted spirit needs right now.
Today, I am going to work on being present. I feel like this is the best way to manage my tendency towards avoidance.
One day longer, one day stronger (even though it sure doesn’t feel that way all the time).
Have a good day friend, wishing you peace if you are struggling.
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Love & Support 💜💚
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