Today I woke up to a new day and a new version of life. My oldest has moved out; and not just across town but two hours away.
Today as I come to the office I pass an empty room with only an essence still left in it. It’s crazy how the years of his childhood have flashed in my mind the last 24 hours.
I have to get used to occasional phone calls rather than daily face-to-face interactions. He isn’t away on a visit somewhere, soon to be home. He will only be back for planned visits and holidays. Daily hands-on mom has been replaced with a sideline cheerleader and support provider as needed. It’s what every parent dreams off, the successful transition of their children into adulthood – it the natural progression of life. Doesn’t make it any easier.
“Move forward doesn´t mean avoiding the pain,
but look towards a new day in spite of the rain.”
―
Complicate the matter with my trauma issues regarding loss and it becomes compounded and tiring as I diligently work to ensure I keep childhood grief separate from the present day emotions – which doesn’t change the fact that I am feeling the grief two-fold.
Today I woke up sad. As excited as I am for my child, I am fearful of what this new dynamic in our relationship will bring, mostly because it is unknown and I have no control over it as we now embark on separate journeys in life.
I’m not sure if all parents struggle like this when their child spreads their wings – but for me, it has been especially difficult.
Today I have a few things that need some work to keep myself focused: submission to a trauma book series, some blog work, a few chores – but honestly, *shrugs* I may just take a mental health day and let myself feel for a while.
And then maybe sleep.
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I felt devastated…. lost, and forlorn. It took years to grow through it and sometimes I still grab on trying to yank those men back. I don’t think my little boys will ever completely leave that soft place in my heart. But we manage OK.
Thank you for letting me know I am not the only one. I am struggling. 🙁
I think experiencing abandonment in a myriad of ways through childhood, compounds the hollowness of the ’empty’ nest 100 fold. (as you mentioned)