One of the harder parts of trauma recovery for me has been the inevitability of new memories unlocking.
As new life events trigger deep seated internal trauma responses, I continue to learn awareness and connection to where it comes from and why.
This always unlocks stuff in my head, it’s been the pattern the last couple years. Most times it is relatively irrelevant childhood memories that were suppressed as collateral damage to the sweeping wall I put up.
Recently though, a stressful and triggering event at work (despite positive outcomes) put me through the ringer and has sadly unlocked some ugly.
For the last week I’ve been remembering a tightly locked scene of my abuse piece by piece with little control over when the images appear. I feel no connection to the memory, but I am filled with repulsion every time it appears.
I am not sharing for sympathy, though I’ll never turn away understanding and support.
I’m sharing to give a glimpse of my everyday as I trudge through trauma recovery and managing PTSD so we can all work together on our understanding and approach to mental health and trauma.
As I smile, share happy moments about my life, work full time and try to keep up on daily responsibility; as I live the best life I can, this shit is running in the background, on the regular.