I did something the other day. I took a screen shot of the main page of my website on my phone and shared it to my instagram, specifically as a promotion for people to visit. I have the website on my profile, and I’ve mentioned my blog before but never with the response I got from the direct share. I saw about 4 times the traffic to my site in the following 24 hours than the average day.
Which was amazing! It’s exactly what I wanted to have happen. I just hadn’t prepared for the anxiety attack.
This platform is the perfect fit for me. I want to share, and writing has always been a natural talent, and comfort for me. I also want to connect. I want to connect with people who understand me, I want to help others connect to find resources and support as well.
Yes, this platform is perfect.
However, I don’t like feeling vulnerable. It makes me feel anxious and unsafe. Vulnerability is too reminiscent of what I am trying to overcome. Still, there is no avoiding vulnerable when sharing about a recovery from a childhood of abuse and neglect.
So, when I see a huge influx of readers, when I see all of you reading through my posts and I am reminded of what I was feeling, remembering or processing in that moment, oh yeah, I suddenly feel very vulnerable. In the spotlight, awaiting judgement.
Yet, when someone comments that they are grateful to read they are not alone, or that they are thankful I am sharing; when people tell me I am strong and brave, it reminds me that I am not alone. There are sadly many of us who understand each other deeply in this regard and there is support, not judgement for me. This is my story, my life – and I can tell it.
My confidence is growing. The real kind of confidence, not the survivor kind.
I am not keeping secrets anymore. And wow, does that give me anxiety!
It’s quite the contradiction of emotions to manage. Exhausting, yet fruitful. So I continue on.
I appreciate your tips! They help me support my family, especially in this time of uncertainty and I appreciate your support of my story as I share it, and my writing.
Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and follow my blog.
Do you have a hobby? I make homemade cards as part of my self-care routine.
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