I did something the other day. I took a screen shot of the main page of my website on my phone and shared it to my instagram, specifically as a promotion for people to visit. I have the website on my profile, and I’ve mentioned my blog before but never with the response I got from the direct share. I saw about 4 times the traffic to my site in the following 24 hours than the average day.
Which was amazing! It’s exactly what I wanted to have happen. I just hadn’t prepared for the anxiety attack.
This platform is the perfect fit for me. I want to share, and writing has always been a natural talent, and comfort for me. I also want to connect. I want to connect with people who understand me, I want to help others connect to find resources and support as well.
Yes, this platform is perfect.
However, I don’t like feeling vulnerable. It makes me feel anxious and unsafe. Vulnerability is too reminiscent of what I am trying to overcome. Still, there is no avoiding vulnerable when sharing about a recovery from a childhood of abuse and neglect.
So, when I see a huge influx of readers, when I see all of you reading through my posts and I am reminded of what I was feeling, remembering or processing in that moment, oh yeah, I suddenly feel very vulnerable. In the spotlight, awaiting judgement.
Yet, when someone comments that they are grateful to read they are not alone, or that they are thankful I am sharing; when people tell me I am strong and brave, it reminds me that I am not alone. There are sadly many of us who understand each other deeply in this regard and there is support, not judgement for me. This is my story, my life – and I can tell it.
My confidence is growing. The real kind of confidence, not the survivor kind.
I am not keeping secrets anymore. And wow, does that give me anxiety!
It’s quite the contradiction of emotions to manage. Exhausting, yet fruitful. So I continue on.
Thank you for reading, for more content check out some of my other blog posts or my poetry collection. If you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and then follow my blog. If you feel generous, please support my writing and buy me a coffee.
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