Vulnerability and Confidence

I did something the other day. I took a screen shot of the main page of my website on my phone and shared it to my instagram, specifically as a promotion for people to visit. I have the website on my profile, and I’ve mentioned my blog before but never with the response I got from the direct share. I saw about 4 times the traffic to my site in the following 24 hours than the average day.

Which was amazing! It’s exactly what I wanted to have happen. I just hadn’t prepared for the anxiety attack.

This platform is the perfect fit for me. I want to share, and writing has always been a natural talent, and comfort for me. I also want to connect. I want to connect with people who understand me, I want to help others connect to find resources and support as well.

Yes, this platform is perfect.

However, I don’t like feeling vulnerable. It makes me feel anxious and unsafe. Vulnerability is too reminiscent of what I am trying to overcome. Still, there is no avoiding vulnerable when sharing about a recovery from a childhood of abuse and neglect.

So, when I see a huge influx of readers, when I see all of you reading through my posts and I am reminded of what I was feeling, remembering or processing in that moment, oh yeah, I suddenly feel very vulnerable. In the spotlight, awaiting judgement.

Yet, when someone comments that they are grateful to read they are not alone, or that they are thankful I am sharing; when people tell me I am strong and brave, it reminds me that I am not alone. There are sadly many of us who understand each other deeply in this regard and there is support, not judgement for me. This is my story, my life – and I can tell it.

My confidence is growing. The real kind of confidence, not the survivor kind.

I am not keeping secrets anymore. And wow, does that give me anxiety!

It’s quite the contradiction of emotions to manage. Exhausting, yet fruitful. So I continue on.

For more blog content visit my post index, for more poetry visit my poetry collection page.  

I appreciate your tips!  They help me support my family, especially in this time of uncertainty and I appreciate your support of my story as I share it, and my writing.  

Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post donโ€™t forget to click like, and follow my blog.  

Please stop by and check out the essential oils that I use for coping and the books that I reference for clarity and understanding as I learn to live with PTSD.  

Do you have a hobby? I make homemade cards as part of my self-care routine. 

If music plays a big role in coping for you, like it does for me, check out this free 30-day trial and enjoy all the music you desire at your fingertips. 

6 thoughts on “Vulnerability and Confidence

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  1. Thank you for sharing your stories. I am also an overcomer of horrid sexual abuse at the hand of pedophiles. Plural. The damage that sexual abuse does to a spirit and mind is unconscionable.

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