This morning I started writing about something
other than this.
I had an itinerary for the day,
and I was right on schedule.
Now, how to describe this feeling?
What words best fit
that pivotal moment
when things changed today.
Any, or all perhaps.
My focus is lost,
and exhaustion has set in.
It happened so quickly
I wasn’t able to properly brace myself.
It has affected everything –
my general energy flow.
Nothing is moving,
nothing is fluid.
I feel knocked down,
lacking energy to even try and get back up.
As I sit here punching these words out
on my keyboard
I realize I am writing on autopilot.
The emotions are there,
I want to communicate them,
but the connection to them is still
“in the process of …”
It is just so tiring,
to constantly trip over expectations
that are never communicated.
To be declared incapable of things
I didn’t even know were needed.
It is hard to shrug off attacks that
I am not good enough,
and to recognize the anger being thrown at me
has nothing to do with me.
Especially as I work through my own
I don’t want to project,
I want to lead through example …
Mental injury is no joke.
Parenting after trauma is hard.
It is painful to watch someone I love
To understand their attacks are
to the depth of their own struggles.
It is painful to accept,
that I am powerless to help
because my help is not wanted,
And so, I offer the only things that I can:
space and understanding,
because they are necessary.
I don’t know how this chapter ends
but I will continue to turn the pages.
and in the mean time –
my body will lead the way
to as deep a rest as it needs.
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💙💙💙. Sounds like a very difficult day. Seeing people you love suffer really is the worst. 🤗
You expressed yourself well.
Thank you. 🙏☺
I didn’t feel like I was doing much of anything well yesterday.
I know the feeling. You did the poem well at least!
I appreciate you and your words of support and encouragement so very much! 🙂 🙏
Thank you. You’re very welcome! 🙂
I have had so many days when I felt exactly as you describe. What amazes me is how articulate you are on such a day.
Definitely not my favorite kind of day, that’s for sure. I’m pretty good with writing words. Speaking all of this out loud is where I struggle, lol. 🤷♀️☺