This morning I started writing about something
other than this.
I had an itinerary for the day,
and I was right on schedule.
Now, how to describe this feeling?
What words best fit
that pivotal moment
when things changed today.
Any, or all perhaps.
My focus is lost,
and exhaustion has set in.
It happened so quickly
I wasn’t able to properly brace myself.
It has affected everything –
my general energy flow.
Nothing is moving,
nothing is fluid.
I feel knocked down,
lacking energy to even try and get back up.
As I sit here punching these words out
on my keyboard
I realize I am writing on autopilot.
The emotions are there,
I want to communicate them,
but the connection to them is still
“in the process of …”
It is just so tiring,
to constantly trip over expectations
that are never communicated.
To be declared incapable of things
I didn’t even know were needed.
It is hard to shrug off attacks that
I am not good enough,
and to recognize the anger being thrown at me
has nothing to do with me.
Especially as I work through my own
I don’t want to project,
I want to lead through example …
Mental injury is no joke.
Parenting after trauma is hard.
It is painful to watch someone I love
To understand their attacks are
to the depth of their own struggles.
It is painful to accept,
that I am powerless to help
because my help is not wanted,
And so, I offer the only things that I can:
space and understanding,
because they are necessary.
I don’t know how this chapter ends
but I will continue to turn the pages.
and in the mean time –
my body will lead the way
to as deep a rest as it needs.
Please donate. I provide all my writing for free because it is so necessary for us to connect – but your financial support is very appreciated and it helps allow me to continue focusing on this while still supporting my family.
Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like and follow my blog.
Visit my Agency Resource page for hotline information if you or a friend needs help.