Therapy Dump #9 – No Session

I’ve been seeing my therapist for over three years, every week. During this pandemic we meet via telehealth. In this series come along with me through each appointment as I reflect on the session and my progress.

My counselor is on vacation this week so I don’t have a session tonight. She always lets me know ahead of time to see if I want to reschedule for a day during the week before she is gone but I regularly decline.

Maybe I want to test my resilience, perhaps I just don’t want to be a bother … I think it’s a little bit of both.

I often view my counselor as the litmus for my responses and reactions and I have become quite comfortable having that measure of comparison each week for the roller coaster ride I am often on. Even when my logical brain knows better about any given situation, she has a knack for bringing me back to center.

On weeks like this one, everything feels a little bit off. Normally on therapy days it’s like my mind and body know what is coming. One therapy days my thoughts are moving, I’m going over what I want to discuss, I know it is my day to focus on my healing, with some professional insight and help.

Today I know that isn’t happening, so I don’t relax my mind as much. It really makes it clear how important this facet of my healing process is, and just how important the trust I have in my therapist is.

If you are considering counseling – I wrote about some important stuff I believe trauma survivors should know as they embark on their journey.

I saw this quote today and it spoke to me. It makes me grieve for the child I once was and for all the nurturing that I did not receive.

That’s all I’ve got for tonight, still running on low energy. Getting done what needs to be done, but extra grateful for routines that are keeping my head above water these days.

Stay tuned for next week’s Therapy Dump; read through previous Therapy Dumps while you are here.

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