I feel disconnected from my site again – but not in the same fashion as previously.
Now I find myself reliant on scheduled content and have written very little when it comes to my personal journey. Part of that has to do with my previous depression and how that affects my communication but mostly –
It’s because I suck at balance. My mind defaults to all or nothing, all the time.
Work or Play? Not Both.
If I am working, I will literally work all day long. I’ll camp out in from my computer and write, plan, network – you name it I’m doing it. If I’m not in front of my computer, I’m still thinking and planning, even talking it out with hubby.
If I decide I want a day off then I completely check out of work, I practically forget what I have going on and I zone into relaxation, house chores, family activities.
It’s like I can’t hold both parts of my life in the same space – if I am doing one I lose track of the other.
Self-Care Has Been Priority
Despite my lack of skill with balancing my life, I am still spending more time focused on my self-care (hence my reliance on scheduled content).
I am doing it this way because I already know I can work, it has been where I have found my identity practically my whole life. I’m the overachiever.
I need to learn how to take a proper time out and connect with myself and the people important to me, so I can recharge.
So bear with me dear readers – you are experiencing my growing pains in real-time as I learn how to balance all the things that are important to me in my life, including myself.
What I’ve Been Doing Lately
Recently, my hubby and I have been very committed to our contract work as we try to get ourselves into a better spot financially after losing our jobs in recent months due to COVID. I’ve been getting up with an alarm, creating a regular schedule and it feels good.
We’ve also started discussing our desire to purchase property to build our tiny home in more realistic terms lately and it has been nice to have that dream together as we navigate new normals.
Additionally we’ve take a couple family outings.
Recently, after sharing my story, I had a pretty big panic attack. I knew I needed to be intentional that day and to surround myself with things that bring me joy as I went through all the yucky emotions.
My hubby and I packed up our kiddo and we drove out to a local sunflower farm for some time together outdoors. There is something about sunflowers – it’s hard not to smile when you are surrounded by them.
Another day this last week, in general I was just feeling good. I felt connected, focused, and proud of my healing efforts. I made a choice to take an evening with my family rather than write a promised post here.
I’m glad I made that decision – I still provided the post, but I also had an amazing evening with my family.
We live in a harbor city on Lake Michigan, so we packed up our little one’s scooter and we went for a walk along the harbor, stopped at the lookout point, and in general enjoyed each other on a beautiful evening outdoors.
I’m Figuring It Out
I’ve had an amazing week with my family, and I am slowly figuring out how to balance life and work. I’m not used to so much connection and real-time processing so not allowing myself to check out has been a bit fatiguing – nonetheless life is better like this.
I’ve got so many topics written down to share with all of you due to my hyper focus on self-care vs time in front of the computer (and relatively bad memory). Until I get them written out, just know I still appreciate how all of you have stayed with me through all of this.
So – what has your self-care looked like lately?
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