Unprovoked Malice / Managing Triggers

After losing my job due to COVID19 I felt very fortunate to have Door Dash as an option for continuing to keep my family financially sustained. It isn’t the money we used to make – but it pays the bills.

It’s also quite a trip, this line of work. As easy as the work is – I am still dealing with people; and some people are just mean.

The Scenario This Morning

After picking up a no-tip order at McDonald’s I sent a courtesy text to the customer that I’d be there shortly.

The woman then called me through the door dash app and requested I go back to McDonald’s to ensure her food was fresh and to get her jelly.

I’m already en route to her house … on a $3 delivery… I said no and she hung up on me.

I dropped her food off at her door, rang her buzzer, text her, and left.

I figured she would give me a bad review, but hey it happens. I went on about my morning shift, despite the slight adrenaline rush from her aggressive nature.

The next thing I know I get notification from Door Dash that this customer has reported her food was not delivered.

Triggered in the Physical Sense

Now, I know I have delivered her food and I know full well this is a pissed off entitled woman throwing a tantrum. Still, I felt attacked and I felt like I now had to defend myself (which I actually do) and that is a somatic trigger for me.

I can be deactivated permanently for this crap – this literally can affect my livelihood. Immediately my body responded in a triggered manner.

I was shaky, my thoughts became unfocused, I felt out of control, and adrenaline began filling my stomach and increasing my heart rate. It was a horrible few minutes as I worked to regain control.

Why would she be so horrible? Why would she maliciously lie and make a report against me like this because I didn’t get her jelly?

Regaining Control

I pulled over, I paused my active shift, and I took a breath. Then I filled out an appeal form for door dash where I attached screen shots of my texts and her call. Then I followed up with support via phone and explained my side once again for additional notes in the case file.

I made a point to express how seriously I take the work I do and how I am trying to support my family – I would never risk that over $10 worth of McDonalds.

At this point I am now at the mercy of the Door Dash process of investigation. I have to be patient and wait.

I know I did nothing wrong. I know that I delivered that food and I believe the investigation with prove that eventaully. I also know this whole situation has everything to do with this woman’s ability to handle her own emotions, and not me.

Nonetheless it rattled me. Even as I write this I am still a little rattled and this was hours ago.

The Reality of Trauma and Trauma Responses

This is the reality of trauma responses. This is the “little bit extra” that I have to deal with the rest of my life as I learn to manage triggers. This is what pisses me off the most regarding my trauma.

Someone else’s meanness can affect my thoughts and my physical self intensely because it is reminiscent of my treatment as a child. It evokes in me the emotions of an abused child rather than a logical and mature adult first. I have to catch that happening and then I have to counter it.

I can’t wait for this part of my healing journey to get easier.

As a means of helping that along I created an affirmation for myself this morning and I have been repeating it as a mantra until it sticks.

My Morning Affirmation

I am taking back control of my morning and my happiness. I will not let a stranger’s anger over her lack of jelly ruin my day!

No. Your negativity is not allowed in my space.

Closing Comments

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4 thoughts on “Unprovoked Malice / Managing Triggers

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  1. I’m sorry you had to go through this, some people are just entitled jerks! Some of my Shipt shoppers take a picture of the bags sitting on my porch and then send it to me when they send me their text stating my order has been delivered. If I were you, I would definitely start doing this. Make sure their house number is visible in the picture. Hopefully this would eliminate the possibility of someone trying to get you in trouble!

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