For months I have had a goal echoing in my head but I have been unable to accomplish it. My inability has been due to my own issues with confidence, and something else I wasn’t aware off.
Way back when I made a one minute video for my Instagram followers and I posted it here too. It was my first step at making videos as a means of communicating my healing and this journey.
Well, that was it. After that one video, I didn’t do it again. Not sure why, I just kind of wrote it off as insecurity and lack of confidence.
I Don’t Know My Physical Self Very Well
I realized as I watched myself that I don’t really recognize myself. I don’t know my own mannerisms. Watching myself talk, watching my ticks, hearing my own voice, seeing how my face reacts to the things that I am saying – it made me take a closer look at myself than I think I ever have.
It got uncomfortable.
When I watched my interview back I went through many emotions, some not so great. It took some very mindful work to keep myself from going under in the days after, and honestly – it caught up to me regardless.
I spent most of the end of August dealing with heightened PTSD symptoms. This year has truly been a test of resilience, of fluidity, and of my ability to recognize what is and isn’t in my control.
A New Way to Express Myself
Through all of this, I have continued to toss the idea of making videos around in my head. It is something I truly wanted to try.
So I started watching TikTok – 1 minute videos – I can do that. I found some amazing people to follow, but as of yet, I haven’t found the space there that I am looking to create. As amazing as many people are – that platform gets mean.
Then I saw that Instagram now offers Reels, similiar to the TikTok set up, these videos segments are only 15 seconds. Now that – I can do!
I love making these short videos. For me it is has become a creative challenge to express myself through this new medium and I like the challenge.
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