I’ve been in my emotions a bit this week. Not necessarily in a bad way – just receptive to what they are telling me, accepting of their space in my journey.
One of the things I have been reflective of recently has been my years of mental and emotional dissociation. 20 years of disconnection creating ripples that take some time to calm.
In therapy I talk about feeling like I have lived three separate lives to this point in my life.
Each life fractured and segmented by different traumatic experiences as I moved through the years of my young life. Each proverbial door I closed was a necessary measure of protection to ensure my resilience stayed in tact as I maneuvered through my life.
Now, as I heal and reconnect to myself, as I reconnect to the family I lost touch with, and to the life I have lived to this point – I am putting together my timeline. A timeline that is shocking to the senses as I piece it together.
I am celebrating the good memories, grieving the bad, and working to stay present in my life now and moving forward.
Working through this, grieving the many years of loss, is its own facet of healing childhood trauma for those of us who begin this journey in the middle of our lives.
I share because I know there are men and women like me who have raised/are raising children, who have lost touch with friends/family, or just in general have moved through life on autopilot (believing as I did, that I was tuned in) and we carry guilt and grief as our awareness takes hold.
Healing is a journey with many speed bumps, and many rewards.
This is the book that I reference in the video.
This is the first book I purchased when I began my healing journey. Purchase your own copy here. I highly recommend it.
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I greatly appreciate the title. Sounds like a marvelous book.