This week’s Survivors Speak piece is not in the same format as previous pieces. This survivor is sharing with us from Croatia and has asked to be recognized by the name she has given her Inner Child.
Read the story of The Little Warrior as she shares what life was like growing up as an abused and neglected child.
My “Normal” Life
How would I describe my normal life?
I grew up thinking it’s normal to live in a family where no one asks about what I feel.
Normal was having a father who sexual abused me over and over again
Normal was being beaten just because I said something wrong or being on my knees all night because I was late from school.
Normal was not talking or sharing my daily life or my feelings as there was no one to care.
Normal was not having birthdays or gifts.
Normal was being daily neglected.
Normal was having no one to take care of my needs.
Normal was crying and being afraid and alone.
Normal was having nightmares, screaming and crying silently with no one to go to for comfort.
Normal was not having someone to escape from “normal” and be safe.
Normal was going to my mother to get some love but got words like “I wish you were never born”.
Normal was being not important in my parent’s eyes.
Normal was not having someone who would say “I love you, I will keep you safe, I’m here for you, I’m proud of you”.
Normal was being afraid to trust anyone.
Normal was hiding myself from this world in the safe space of my imaginary world.
Normal was having a dark place as my best friend.
Normal was being so unbearable and so painful I wanted to give up my life with no one knowing.
Normal was not having a place to belong to and call it my home.
Normal was hiding my normal just to fit in this world. Like we are from different worlds as my normal doesn’t fit in others normal.
So, when someone asks me what does it mean to have a normal life I’m confused as I’m not sure what normal really is.
a poem by The Little Warrior
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