Functioning Survival Mode

Real-Talk About Trauma

Thoughts about everyday life with complex PTSD from a girl trying to figure shit out. Let’s get real about trauma healing: a series

I have been a mess (in my head).

However, I am functioning on the outside remarkably. It’s uncanny how hypervigilance can feel comfortable when survival mode is required. I feel focused and able to keep things in line, even though I’m not.

I know this part of my process turns on when I’m touching on things I haven’t fully addressed yet. I know this all has to do with the trauma anniversary dates I’ve recently passed through which Dec 8th, the day my mother died. I also know that the moment I let down my guard, I’ll fall into a heap on the floor and I at least need to get my kiddo through some homework today while the hubby is at work.

I cannot let my depression affect is her education so functioning survival mode, at least for today, it is.

Just another story to let you know, if you feel this way too – you aren’t alone. 💪 Complex PTSD is some BS to live with and manage.

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One thought on “Functioning Survival Mode

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  1. I think I’ve observed my older brother in this state a lot before, as well as a nearby friend I have here who I was recently able to meet up with again. I don’t think I have this mode, though if I had the responsibility of a child to look after, I’m sure my brain might’ve learned it. In fact because I’ve had nobody depending on anything I do for a while, all of that hyper-vigilance just turns inwards and mostly results in OCD, or outward physical expression of stress. I’ve sometimes thought philosophically like this about the potential pros and cons of the situation that I’m in, vs. others.

    Your comment about your daughter’s education was touching, because I feel a similar way about my little brother. He’s at university and I would also never let my struggles somehow impact him negatively with that. Which I have to say, has saved me a few times.

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