Coffee is therapy. Read along as I relate and offer affirmation to the struggles of living with Complex PTSD over my morning coffee.
I’m currently on a trajectory of deep inner child healing. I’m not sure how I ended up on this path, I sure didn’t pick it consciously at this point in my healing – alas, here I am.
I wrote recently about the temper tantrum I threw in therapy. I was so angry and petulant. I wanted to rage, I wanted to hate everything about my abuse, and this fucked up injury called Complex PTSD. After I threw my fit, later that night, I was overcome with embarrassment. Why did I act that way? And with my counselor? She has always been there to provide space – not force me into anything.
So I spent the week reflecting, and reading, and relating with other survivors – and then it truly hit me.
Over the last four years of my healing I have exclaimed in exhaustion how much of a stranger I feel like to myself many times. I’ve demanded to know how I help heal my inner self when I don’t even know her, and I have casually dismissed her as an “abstract” from my past anytime she is triggered and makes herself seem.
I feel that connection now. I realize now in those moments when my emotions and responses get away from me and I don’t recognize myself – that is her, little me, my inner self.
It is time for me to start sitting with this stranger instead of being adverse and judgmental when she shows up. It’s time for me to truly get to know my inner self. I think once I help her learn how to manage her emotions, I’ll be able to manage mine better.
Wishing you strength, love, and clarity on your journey to find and love your inner self. It’s hard work, but I hear it is super worth it!