Coffee is therapy. Read along as I relate and offer affirmation to the struggles of living with Complex PTSD over my morning coffee.
Part of inner child healing is to be aware when behaviors and thoughts don’t fit the situation so the adult me can show up to guide little me, but negative cognitions don’t bubble over the same way a trauma response or trigger does. No, negative thoughts of self simmer quietly under the surface and manifests in ways we may not even realize.
Maybe we don’t take on a task we feel we may fail, we don’t have a conversation because we believe our feelings don’t matter, we don’t ask for help because we believe we are a burden, we change things about who we are because we need to fit into molds.
Recently in therapy I was struggling with a situation involving my oldest (adult) child.
I tried to justify my accountability as a bad parent who needs to be better, to do more, to get my shit together – my counselor pointed out how my thoughts about myself were becoming beliefs that were manifesting. I am not a bad person. I didn’t intentionally “fail” my child. I did the best I could at that time in my life and I know I am doing everything I can to counter that now going forward.
The actions of my family against me as a child ingrained in me strong beliefs that I am not good enough to succeed and that I do not deserve respect, love, happiness, peace, or safety and protection. I wish just knowing that my thoughts are an effect of my abuse and that those things aren’t true were enough, but it doesn’t stop the negative thoughts that are deeply intertwined into my belief system and thought processes; they take constant awareness to counter and people in my life willing to give a little extra sometimes.
If negative cognitions are a struggle for you, I am here to walk alongside you. You are not alone. We can remind each other as often as necessary what bad asses we are!!
*****
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