Contradicting Emotions

Coffee is therapy. Read along as I relate and offer affirmation to the struggles of living with Complex PTSD over my morning coffee.

I read a post a while back from someone I follow on social media and in his post he said he stays away from the word “happy” because every day is part of the healing journey – some days are just easier than others. I don’t necessarily agree 100%, I definitely strive for “Happy” but man, the idea that every day is a part of the journey hit hard.

In recent weeks I have cried ugly tears over my father’s betrayals all while filled with rage at him for the hurt he caused me.

I thought about a long-term friendship that I chose to walk away from a couple years ago and for a moment fought the urge to message her simply to “bury the hatchet” … what?!?!

I still grieve my former job and struggle with the betrayals of my former team and how I was terminated, especially when I drive past the building (nearly every day) BUT I am further along on my own path, chasing my passion of advocacy and trauma awareness than I have ever been, and I refuse to look back.

Every day I work to discover and reclaim my sense of purpose, my worthiness, and my identity while simultaneously working to let go of the horrors that lurk in the shadows of my mind. I am learning to allow emotions to exist in one space without judgement regardless of contradiction.

I deserve to find peace in my life, yet I realize it must exist with my sadness.

This is the journey we are tasked with as Survivors of Childhood Trauma, it isn’t an easy one, and it’s by no means a fair one – but I am right here walking alongside you, in the trenches. We’ve got this!!



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