Emotional Flashbacks

Coffee is therapy. Read along as I relate and offer affirmation to the struggles of living with Complex PTSD over my morning coffee.

I truly believe that the abuse I have been through has given me a level of understanding and empathy to pain and suffering that many cannot fathom. I often feel the weight of the unfairness in this world intensely.

A Summer That Changed Everything

Last summer my city became the most recent epicenter for BLM protests after a police shooting. In the weeks that followed, my city turned into what felt like a war zone – soldiers everywhere with guns, our downtown barricaded off, riots, protests, more shooting, and buildings burnt to the ground. I live in a small harbor town, not a major city. What we experienced here was devastating on many levels.

Yesterday as I went out to work (I am a door dash driver) I found my city in the same state it was months ago and the emotional flashbacks of the summer have been intense. 

No Justice

After it was announced that the police officer would not be charged, my city was put on curfew and the ugly divisiveness began on social media again. I saw a post from one of our city alderman last night: a black, gay man – and he said his connection to this reality is fractured. It is his people being oppressed and his colleagues allowing the unfair class status quo to continue. I felt his pain so deeply.

The Trauma Continues

I am sitting with an immense feeling of helplessness this morning in addition to sadness, anger, and compassion for the black community of my city. Knowing how I feel – I can’t even begin to imagine their fear, anxiety, and pain. These men and women only want to see their children grow. Racial trauma is a very real thing.

Emotional flashbacks can be painful and they are tiring. My mind and body seem to shift so violently from one space of existence to another than it can be felt physically. For me, most often it is the sudden loss of breath like someone just punched me in the stomach.

I am grateful I don’t have to work today outside my home. My mind and my emotions need space today to go through whatever they need to go through.

If you need space today – make sure you take it!!



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