My journey is not supposed to move forward right now, my journey is meant to turn inward.Shanon
I have been in such an uncomfortable space lately.
I am finally coming out of one of the most intense freeze modes I have felt in quite some time and feeling a little bit shook at how it happened, and how I feel now.
In the weeks leading up to my recent episode of “stuck in place” I made mention in therapy that I felt like I needed to try something new to kick start a new level of healing. I expressed how I felt stagnant.
Then memories began unlocking and I think it got overwhelming.
My True Self feels ready to face some of the things I have suppressed, but those wounded youngers parts are like “what the fuck, girl – we are NOT ready!!”
I feel caught in a weird tug-of-war with myself.
Something has to give.
I made some energy moves recently as it becomes painstakingly clear that I need to invest in myself and explore the practices and techniques that I always talk and read about.
First, I made an appointment for a reiki session. I’ve done this one other time but I didn’t really find it beneficial. I think I was trying too hard, my expectations were too high, and well – a few other factors involved which I am certain threw off the vibration.
This time I don’t know the practitioner but they came recommended by another survivor friend. I am both curious and anxious, I believe I am also more receptive.
Second thing I did was I bought a deck of oracle cards.
I have always loved the metaphysical, the concept and experience of tapping into my ancestral connection and vibrations – you know, something deeper and more electric than just myself.
So, this morning, with an open mind and heart I drew two cards while contemplating this space that I am in and what it means for my journey.
The first card: what must fall away.
The second: what I am moving towards.
Let Go And Turn Inward
As I asked for guidance on what is no longer meant for me I drew Imrana, journey of the soul.
I looked at this card and connected to what it meant for me: in the water crashing around the palace in far away – I saw the journey that I am trying to force as I search for more things to heal. I was drawn to the calm waters around her feet and I heard the call that it is time for me to sit in the stillness of myself and stop searching for my journey.
No wonder this came as something that is meant to fall away.
I drew my second card.
My breath caught as I took in the card – Inner Temple, connection to the heart – the message of where I am headed and it all felt like a warm hug.
I do not need to journey through tumultuous waters, I will find healing within. It is time that I turn inward and tend to my own heart, as it is now. My journey is not supposed to move forward right now, my journey is meant to turn inward.
What a powerful message and so very clear.
The Healer Must Also Heal
I try so hard to share the pieces of my journey that I think others need to hear, that I believe will help other survivors as they journey.
It is time that I focus on the message that I need from myself. It is time I prioritize my reflections and ah-ha moments for myself, and lean into my journey for my own comfort and validation.
I cannot help others if I do not help myself first.
The inward journey begins, again – but this time I have leveled up.
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