(Almost) every day on Instagram I share my day-to-day journey living with Complex PTSD due to childhood sexual abuse. Journey with me.
Nicely put together in memes and 2200 character captions or less, I walk through the ups and downs of my trauma healing process with vulnerable candidness in Thoughts Over Coffee.
On the 2nd and 4th Saturday of every month I host Trauma Talk Uncensored with guests who share their experiences in life during and after trauma as we normalize the messiness of Complex PTSD and trauma recovery.
Sundays and Mondays watch Survivors share their stories and their healing with me LIVE on Survivors Speak LIVE.
If you feel like following me – please do – join my daily journey and participate in my live shows. Experience the healing magic of the survivor community that is growing on Surviving Childhood Trauma on Instagram.
If IG just isn’t your cup a tea – that’s cool too. Tune in weekly here for the run down on the Gram and links to all the shows.
This Week’s Quotes
“Feeling listened to and understood changes our physiology. Being able to articulate a complex feeling and having our feelings recognized lights up our Limbic brain, and creates an ‘ah-ha’ moment. In contrast, being met by silence and incomprehension kills the spirit.”Bessel van der Kolk
Thoughts Over Coffee
Last night was the first time in two weeks that I have seen my therapist. Two weeks doesn’t seem like a long time but as a trauma survivor, I can sure pack in a lot of experiences that feel overwhelming, unsettling, and chaotic.
It took me most of the hour just to vomit all of my woes and my tears.
New memories, husband left for a week, major freeze mode episode, changes in my work focus, and the distinct inner pull of transition. I don’t like change. Change in my life has always equated loss.
Every change in my childhood was a change of guardianship, a change of environment, friends, and people in my life. Every change in my adulthood has been riddled with angst, grief, or outright emotional avoidance.
Well maybe not ever change.
But tell that to my trauma conditioned brain and nervous system; they would beg to differ based on their imprinted memories. It’s no wonder on a cellular level my body froze in place with no regard for my conscious mind.
When change has always meant loss to my trauma conditioned system, big changes can become emotionally triggering, even when I am moving through my emotions in a healthy way. Big changes trigger the part of me that fears loss, which is accompanied by all my unprocessed emotions from changes in my life that have reinforced this trigger.
If you find change triggering or fear inducing, know that you are not alone. Please know that what you are experiencing makes sense and that with time and patience you learn to ease your fears. You will learn to move through them with trust in yourself and the tools you have developed to help you through times like these.
The wounds of childhood trauma and abuse are insidious, but they can be tended too and healed in beautiful ways that reconnects you to who you are and the life that you deserve.
Sit in the discomfort brave warrior, you deserve the magic of healing.
On goes the journey
This weekend my oldest came to town for a visit. Having my kids with me, together under one roof, brings me a peace that I cannot put into words. The weekend was wonderful.
It was full of surprises for me too.
Randomly throughout the many conversations with my child, I had stories to share of my own childhood. Stories from the home where my abuse happened. Stories of experiences with and behaviors of my father. All stories outside the realm of my trauma and abuse.
The stories that gave glimpses of momentary normalcy in my life as a child. Moments that I probably cherished in the midst of all of my fear (but I can’t remember that part so easily).
I’ll often bring these memories to therapy and label them as flashbacks because the first emotional hit is so visceral and overwhelming. They feel traumatic like new memories, but they aren’t darkened by the horrible experiences of my abuse.
And that challenges the story I have created and it confuses me.
These new memories of normal times in my childhood don’t fit into the parameters of the scripted memories I have operated within for so long.
It’s weird and uncomfortable stuff to remember and sometimes I just don’t know what to do with it.
On goes the journey
I find myself in this weird and uncomfortable space in between right now. In between what I have learned and what I am learning.
This in between when all of my experiences, my healing, my struggles – all of my thoughts from recent events – become frantic and disorganized as they find their place in the whole of who I am.
In this space my ability to keep my life focused and in order is challenged in many ways and using the coping tools I have developed over the years becomes very important. I have been here before and I always come out the other side with new pieces of myself and new understandings of who I am and what I am capable of.
If only it were a bit more comfortable as I moved through it, but that is why a self-care plan that works and that has lasting power is so important. I can’t stop the uncomfortable stuff, but I can find moments of joy and comfort in the midst of it doing things that I know work for me and my own healing.
This part of the healing process is so important that I want to share with you what I have learned as I heal. I have developed my own self-care plan that works. It helps me through these times in between and any other time my healing gets a little hard to carry.
I want to help you develop a plan that works for you, that helps you trust yourself and your process, and that helps you manage the moments that are challenging.
Join the waiting list for VIP access to this class,
and take one more step to level up your healing game with a self-care plan that works for you.
This Week’s LIVE IG Shows
Survivors Speak LIVE #84 – Keri’s Story
Click HERE to participate in this series either in writing or LIVE with me on Instagram.
Were you aware of “grown-up” financial situations and status as a child? When you think of your parents/caregivers and what you learned about money as a child – what comes to mind? Be detailed about experiences, memories, and emotions.
What applications on your phone help you with healing and with living your best life, and what applications drain your energy and time? What do your personal boundaries look like when interacting on these applications (or) what should they look like?
Check out the full Weekly Journal Prompts post for all 7 daily prompts plus a bonus for extra exploration. Or, download the prompts in a ready made e-journal NOW and level up your healing with guided writing.
E-Journal #6: 7 Daily Prompts to Aid Your Healing Journey
Level up your journaling experience with this 11-page downloadable e-journal with focused writing prompts to aid you in childhood trauma healing and recovery.
Survivors Speak LIVE on Friday 10/8 6pm, Sunday 10/11 9am, and Monday 10/12 6pm Central Time
Trauma Talk Uncensored Saturday 10/9 9:30am central with Rachael Brooks author of:
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