Thoughts Over Coffee ☕️
Putting myself first still makes me uncomfortable at times, and sometimes, I feel the fear physically in the pit of my stomach.
I feel this fear because putting myself first has always been foreign to me, until my healing began. Until I started to reconcile my childhood experiences, my beliefs systems constructed from surviving those experiences – putting myself first has feelt selfish and dangerous. What if people judged me, or left me, or got angry and hurt me?
I Come First
I put myself first the day I called my counselor’s office and made an appointment, and I have put myself first every time I go to my sessions.
I put myself first when I finally told my husband my story and made him aware that it was time for me to heal, despite how difficult it was for him as we transitioned in those early years.
I put myself first when I shared my story publicly, when I started working on my triggers, my trauma responses, and my behavioral patterns.
I put myself first when I stepped outside the story of my family of original and reclaimed my Self and my life.
And I put also myself first when all of this work becomes exhausting and I make the time that I need to rest and recharge.
Embracing My Power & My Worth
Putting myself first has not been easy.
Every time I put myself first it has been an intentional move through discomfort as I remind myself over and over and over that I am worthy, I am enough, and my needs and wellbeing are important too.
When I began to understand that I need to treat myself the way I treat others, I started to learn what it means to prioritize myself and that is when I felt the empowerment of my healing deeply within me.
It is not selfish to prioritize myself with healthy boundaries, it is necessary for a full and happy life.
I share this because recently things in my personal life have been tough for me. Real time life stressors are threatening to push me outside my window of tolerance which means it is time I make decisions on what I do and don’t have space for.
Balancing all the facets of life is stressful as it is, then adding trauma healing to the mix and big life changes can get emotionally overwhelming and shut me down.
So I am putting myself first.
I say no to things that I need to say no to. I allow myself to rest without guilt or shame, and I care for and comfort myself as I am, where I am.
Please put yourself first, you deserve to feel the empowerment of your worth!
On goes the journey
Other Resources Available at Surviving Childhood Trauma
- 1:1 Peer Support & Guidance
- Survivor’s Circle Online Peer Support Group
- Journaling Lovers Enter Here