I am Not Ashamed of Surviving

Thoughts Over Coffee via @survivingchildhoodtrauma ☕️ 

Recently in 1:1s, shame and embarrassment around trauma responses came up. Immediately I was pulled to validate the survivor I was working with so they knew they had nothing to be ashamed of. Then I did some self-reflection on my own trauma triggers.

It’s Not My Fault

My trauma responses and triggers were born from the horrific abuses that I lived through as a child. My trauma responses and triggers are how my mind and body learned to protect me. 

I have spent the majority of my life using these coping skills to survive because no one taught me differently and my brain’s hindered development obstructed my ability to fully realize my situation.

When I did finally begin healing, I found that even as I learned to identify my triggers and where they were coming from, I was hard pressed to change some of these conditioned behavioral patterns. They are intertwined with my nervous system, automatic and swift.

Finding Space for Self-Compassion

Five years into healing and I am still working on reparenting and redirecting my trauma responses. 

Over the past few months, I have been in a disconnected and avoidant, yet activated state. I have dealt with dysregulated emotions, inconsistent productivity, extreme exhaustion, and dissociation. Situations like these open up so much space for guilt, shame, and self-criticism of my inability to get my shit together. 

Then I remind myself that my triggers and trauma responses helped me survive as a child, and they have assisted me in carrying the weight of my childhood as an adult.

I have the ability to work with my nervous system to heal myself.  My trauma does not define me.

I did not choose to be abused, I did not choose C-PTSD, and so, I choose not to shame myself for how I have survived. Letting go of this shame that is not mine to carry has been so empowering. 

I wish this empowerment for you too. Please remember you have nothing to be ashamed of for how you have survived. I am walking with you!

On goes the journey 💪🏻

Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups meet on alternating Wednesdays and Fridays via Zoom. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.

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