Making Hard Decisions

Thoughts Over Coffee with Shanon☕️via Surviving Childhood Trauma

Round One: Done & Over

I realized with deep awareness this week that I have two very contradicting responses to being hurt by someone.

I have written about a situation earlier this year where I had to move through a friendship breakup with little information from the other person which put me face to face with my abandonment wound.

I worked through the shame that silenced me from asking for support because I believed the end of the friendship was a negative reflection of me.

I dealt with the pain of losing someone who was important to me.

I did the deep work to reconcile the truth that other people’s behavior is about them and not me.

I was angry.

And I grieved, a lot.

Finally I wasn’t thinking about it as much and the hurt and the anger weren’t so intense. I was coming out the other side.

Then I got the text.

Round Two: The Mental Tug-of-War

It acknowledged that I didn’t deserve to be ghosted like I was, and asked if I am open to talk about everything and catch up.

It took me almost two weeks to respond.

One part of me was done – I had grieved, moved on, and felt there was no reason revisit this former friendship. Besides, what if it all happens again?

However, another part of me was drawn to reconnection to see if repair is possible, this person meant a lot to me. I wanted to know what happened and I didn’t want to loss the person.

But I feared a repeat because trust was gone – and I questioned if I was up for a new version of this friendship.

Ugh trust.
Ugh trauma responses.
Ugh changes.
Ugh healing.

Round Three: The Decision

So I was left to discern what I wanted and deserved, to create the boundaries that I deserved (and needed), and then to embrace myself and my life from that place of authenticity.

I choose to decline the reconnection and instead listen to my body’s cues that this relationship was irreparable and no longer safe for me.

Then I tasked with communicating that, and it was SOOOOOO uncomfortable.

But once I took a breath and allowed myself to move through the reaction and stayed with myself through it without judgement, I was able to figure out my response and then stand firm in my true self.

And wow did it level up my self-respect

On goes the journey

Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?

Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need.

These small groups meet on alternating Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.

You can also book individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon for private support in a closed space. You deserve support as you heal, and I am here to help. You don’t have to heal alone.

Shanon is a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. She is a survivor with years committed to her own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C)PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, she has a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.

These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.


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