Changing Patterns

Thoughts Over Coffee with Shanon ☕️via Surviving Childhood Trauma

This year more than ever, I have been working directly with my abandonment wound and my challenges with disorganized attachment.

The dissolution of the friendship earlier this year felt drawn out over months and then abruptly ended. The entirety of the situation overwhelmed me with fears of rejection, shame, grief, and a deep need for answers.

I spent more time that I want to admit working with myself through all of this, especially in the weeks after the friendship completely ended. The emotions, the negative beliefs, the way I can so masterfully fill in blanks and blame myself; I went through it all.

And then finally, after what felt like a lifetime, I could sense deep inside myself that I’d made it through the thick of it. I didn’t think about it as often. It didn’t occupy my thoughts when I first woke up, and every day interactions weren’t triggering sadness or waves of memories.

Then I was contacted to reconnect and suddenly everything I thought I had figured out felt chaotic again. Should I or shouldn’t I? 😮‍💨

Making A Decision

When that text message come through, it was so activating. It acknowledged the messiness of the whole situation and then asked me if I was interested in reconnecting.

I took a pause and for the next week and a half, I dug deep, sought my truth and what feels safe, and then I made a decision.

If only that is where it ended.

Once I made my decision I was faced with more days of back and forth, doubting myself.

My trauma patterns are deeply conditioned.

Learning to Trust Myself

This time I changed the pattern, and it was the most uncomfortable and shitty feeling ever. Just being honest. I felt scared, I struggled with self-doubt, and it was all really painful – but I also felt that my decision is safe and authentic to me.

I can make hard decisions, and I can show up for myself as I navigate big emotions. This is how I learn to trust myself, this is how I grow. I am embracing my authentic Self and it is empowering.

Making a decision to put myself first is not something I do naturally, my childhood taught me to adjust who I am and what feels right in order to stay safe and to feel connection.

I will not do that any longer.

On goes the journey 💪🏻❤️‍🩹

Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?

Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need. 

These small groups meet on alternating Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.

You can also book individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon for private support in a closed space. You deserve support as you heal, and I am here to help. You don’t have to heal alone.

Shanon is a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. She is a survivor with years committed to her own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C) PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, she has a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.

These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.

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