It is Okay To Be Angry

Thoughts Over Coffee via Surviving Childhood Trauma ☕

I once received a comment on a post I wrote about the senselessness of, and my anger at what happened to me as a child that read: “life is trauma” and then explained how we need to move through and let go of anger in order to heal.

Great *insert big sigh* another fucking prerequisite for healing – this time, the idea that anger hinders it.

The Gaslighting of Anger

I was amazed at how condescending and harmful the comment was, it was a text book example of gaslighting and a glimpse at the cultural stigma put on anger.

Instead of hearing my truth, the person suggested that “anger can be addictive”, “we can get stuck in anger”, “anger hinders freedom”, and I was even asked “are you saying that you are healed and still angry?”

Why can’t I be angry and healing at the same time?

What’s wrong with sitting in my anger for awhile and what freedom am I loosing by validating and embodying my emotions without apology?

The Truth

I want to be as clear as possible, anger is empowering and it is beneficial. It is also a very normal and expected part of the healing journey. Anger gets a bad wrap these days, time to counter that!

First of all, there is no such thing as “healed” in trauma recovery – it is a continuous journey of commitment to self. So let’s just toss the ideas that we must do “X” in order to heal because that is total crap. Healing is a personal journey of self-discovery and choice. You don’t have to “let go of anger” in order to “heal” properly.

Second, anger is not a negative emotion that must be identified and removed from the body immediately. You are not failing if you are still angry. Quite the contrary, bravo for tapping into and allowing your anger to be present.

Third, emotions aren’t one and done. You can let your anger go today – but it may well return tomorrow. That is what emotions do, they ebb and flow. Healing is about learning to manage them in real-time, not get rid of them.

Finally, anger is not something to feel ashamed of. Anger is righteous and provides accountability. You are not addicted to or stuck in your anger because it is continuous, think about how long you’ve been bottling it up.

Protecting My Right to Feel

I felt protective of my anger in the wake of that comment. It is sovereign and the commentors negative approach to anger felt unsafe.

It took me 3 years in therapy to tap into anger and once I did, it was another 18 months before the rage calmed down. That was the most freeing 18 months ever; learning to embrace my anger and let it flow without shame is empowering.

I didn’t get to be angry at my abusers as a child. I’m angry now!

If you are angry – be angry, meet yourself in that anger. Embrace it, and heal through it.

On goes the journey

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Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?

Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need. 

These small groups meet on alternating Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.

You can also book individual 1:1 peer support sessions with me for private support in a closed space. You deserve support as you heal, and I am here to help. You don’t have to heal alone.

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I am a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. I am also a survivor with years committed to my own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C) PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, I have a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.

I specialize in helping survivors like you make connections between real time experiences and past trauma wounds, identify and communicate boundaries, create self-care plans that work, navigate big emotions and trauma responses, reparent your inner child, and embody your own self-worth through the healing process with confidence and personal empowerment.

These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.