The Survivors Speak Interview series is dedicated to amplifying the voices of survivors by providing a platform to share our stories and connect us through experiences and healing. Read stories of childhood trauma as survivors share their pain, their hope, and their healing.
Tracey’s Story, Alabama USA
Please share what inspired you to share your story.
I do not talk to anyone about my childhood trauma.
My husband and grown children know things happen but it is not spoken of. I have always written about things but then always throw them away. Sometimes writing about it helps but I don’t want anyone to read it. Lately the nightmares are getting worse, a close friend told me to write something into just try to share. I have never gone to counseling or therapy – I can’t talk about the actual details.
It’s too hard, writing this and sharing this is as close as I have come.
Introduce yourself: tell us about your passions, interests, family life, favorite quotes, etc.
I am a mom of three grown children: two boys and a girl. I have been married since I was 18 to a wonderful man, we have been married for 38 years. I love to hike, I love to look at fall trees and their colors. It was my escape growing up.
My passion and interest is my family husband, children and grandchildren.
Please share your story in as much or as little detail as you are comfortable.
My father was an alcoholic, he was 20 years older than my mom. My childhood family consisted of my mom my dad and my three older brothers. All of us were physically abused. I was physically and sexually abused. The sexual abuse started at eight years old through twelve years old.
What are some of the challenging ways your trauma has manifested in your life?
I am terrified of conflict. I take the blame for everything. I also try to please everyone even if I have to pretend too like something.
When did healing begin? Was there a catalyst moment and how did you reach this point?
Honestly I don’t guess it has. The nightmares have actually caused me too wet the bed on several occasions. My husband is very understanding and supportive but it is still embarrassing. My husband was physically abused as a child by his mother.
What has your healing journey looked like day-to-day: techniques, modalities, practices, tools you use?
I don’t talk about it and this is stupid but I guess you would say I pretend to myself it did not happen. I write things down like things that happened or write poems but I always throw them away . I throw them away because I’m scared my family will find it and read it. I try most of the time to ignore it.
What are two or three things you have learned as you heal that you believe are important for survivors to know as they heal?
Ignoring it happened will one day stop working. The longer you wait to get help dealing with it the harder it gets to make that happen.
Additional Thoughts From Tracey
I am wondering why the older I get the worse and more frequent the nightmares get. I am wondering why after all of these years I am finding it harder too cope.
A Poem by Tracey
The nightmare that never ends
When did it all begin
Eight years old Thanksgiving night
Started the years of terror and fright
The nightmare that never ends
Eight years old Manipulated and scared
Trapped by lies that have me ensnared
Innocence stolen by the protector
The very one that was supposed too protect her
The nightmare that never ends
Told to share by those who cared
Only to realize they were unprepared
They said tell the truth, then, what the HELL
Change your story Do not tell
The nightmare that never ends
Until it’s over look at the tress
When it’s over, feel the breeze and breath
12 years old the nightmare ends
In actuality it just begins
Learning to live with the shame
It’s not your fault, but you feel you’re to blame
The nightmare that never ends
Too cope you pretend it was not real
The truth you hide and try to conceal
Nightmares come and nightmares go
The difference is ,mine are real and I know
Because I relive them night and day
Continuing too trying to make my way
through
The nightmares that never end
-Tracey B
Thank you for sharing your story brave survivor!
Share Your Story
Sharing your story is a powerful part of your healing journey. It helps you find and reclaim your voice and it helps others who are trying to find there’s. It lets us all know that we are not alone when we can connect through shared lived experiences.
If you would like to share your own story with the Surviving Childhood Trauma community, please use the link below to submit it.
Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?
Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need.
These small groups meet on alternating days of the week via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.
Hi, I am Shanon
I am a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. I am also a survivor with years committed to my own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C) PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, I have a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.
I specialize in helping survivors like you make connections between real time experiences and past trauma wounds, identify and communicate boundaries, create self-care plans that work, navigate big emotions and trauma responses, reparent your inner child, and embody your own self-worth through the healing process with confidence and personal empowerment.
These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.
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