The Survivors Speak Interview series is dedicated to amplifying the voices of survivors by providing a platform to share our stories and connect us through experiences and healing. Read stories of childhood trauma as survivors share their pain, their hope, and their healing.
Jolene’s Story – Edmonton, Alberta Canada
Please share what inspired you to share your story.
Seeing others open up & tell their stories
Please share your story in as much or as little detail as you are comfortable.
My mom ended up getting a new boyfriend, he seemed good, he was nice, he played with us, he was good to my mom, but it was all just for show. What he really was was a monster, he robbed me of my childhood.
I remember he would make me do things to him & then he would do things to me. I couldn’t say anything to anyone because he told me if I ever told anyone he would kill my family. So I had no choice but to be quiet. I remember waking up one morning & my pj pant & panties were off but I went to bed with them on. But I couldn’t say anything.
After awhile he started getting physical with my mom I remember he tried to throw her outside in the middle of winter & lock her out there with no shoes on or a jacket – she was in shorts & a T-shirt. But luckily my mom got back inside. Shortly after that all happened cops came and I tried to wake her up but all she did was tell me “shhht” & pretended to sleep. Then the cops came into the room with their flashlight on & my mom still didn’t get up I wish she did then he could have gotten taken away.
He was a monster & robbed me of my childhood. I’ll never forget the day my brothers & I got taken away from my mom by social services. I remember trying to hide & run away from them but the lady grabbed me. I screamed I cried I yelled for my mom but she couldn’t do anything it was already to late.
A few days later I told social services what was happening to me & somehow he found out I said something & I’m not lying he stabbed my mom in the eye & stomach. She is now blind in one eye because of him. I blame myself for that happening because if I didn’t say anything that wouldn’t of happened.
Then to boot my brothers & I were bounced around foster home to foster home so we never had stability in our life. Shortly after my brother R would be separated from us because he would always get aggressively angry & the foster parents couldn’t really handle it so he got moved.
Social services decided to keep us until we were 18 years old.
I was so angry at my mom for such a long time I wish she would have stopped drinking & got away from that monster. Now that I’m older I understand addiction & what affects it can have on a person.
My childhood has really affected me today, I haven’t been diagnosed but I know I do suffer from depression, anxiety & maybe some PTSD. I have really bad mood swings, I don’t think before I do anything or say something I just do it. I always get angry when I drink & I know it’s not the proper way to go about stuff.
I have a hard time opening up to anyone, I let everything build up & when I can’t hold it in I explode. I disassociate myself from everyone because I give off such strong energy when I’m depressed that everyone can either see it or feel it. Like I always think what set me off to be this depressed. My past has made me numb I have no idea who I am or what I’m about & that’s all I want is to be myself & be happy.
What are some of the challenging ways your trauma has manifested in your life?
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Fight flight or freeze
- I disassociate myself
- Have a hard time putting my thoughts into words
- Talk badly about myself
- I overthink everything to the point where I can’t do anything
- I feel I’m not good enough
The list can keep going but I’ll stop there.
When did healing begin? Was there a catalyst moment and how did you reach this point?
I’m just starting my healing now. It all started because of the childhood trauma websites I found & seeing others post their story kind of inspired me. I deserve to be heard because I’m just as important as everyone else.
What has your healing journey looked like day-to-day: techniques, modalities, practices, tools you use?
Honestly I’m stuck because I don’t know how to start the change.
What are two or three things you have learned as you heal that you believe are important for survivors to know as they heal?
You have to accept what has happened in the past & learn to move on because the past is out of your control now all you can do is move forward & be in the present & forgive, then you have to work on yourself to be a better person.
Thank you for sharing your story brave warrior!
Share Your Story
Sharing your story is a powerful part of your healing journey. It helps you find and reclaim your voice and it helps others who are trying to find there’s. It lets us all know that we are not alone when we can connect through shared lived experiences. If you would like to share your own story with the Surviving Childhood Trauma community, please use the link below to submit it.
Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?
Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need.
These small groups meet on alternating days of the week via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.
You can also book individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon for private support in a closed space. You deserve support as you heal, and I am here to help. You don’t have to heal alone.
On the Journey Peer Support Monthly Package
As a part of this monthly support program you will gain access to all Survivor’s Circle Peer Support group support sessions every month as well as individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon each month.
Hi, I am Shanon
I am a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. I am also a survivor with years committed to my own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C) PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, I have a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.
I specialize in helping survivors like you make connections between real time experiences and past trauma wounds, identify and communicate boundaries, create self-care plans that work, navigate big emotions and trauma responses, reparent your inner child, and embody your own self-worth through the healing process with confidence and personal empowerment.
These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.
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