The Dysregulation of Having My Needs Met

Thoughts Over Coffee with Shanon from Surviving Childhood Trauma☕️ Join me for a cup of coffee and some real talk about complex PTSD and trauma healing and recovery.

It happened a while ago, and it was the first real back and forth my hubby and I have had in some time.

The Trigger

The scene played out in the early hours of the first morning of our trip to visit family so I am sure lack of sleep and disruption of our normal routine played a part in heightened emotions –

All the same, there we were at 7am in the thick of it.

The reason: I had a 10am obligation that morning which I thought we’d agreed everyone was staying around for and that we would then head out for our visiting afterward. Instead, my FIL was planning to pick up my hubby and kid for some morning adventures leaving me behind.

At least that is how it felt and how my mind and body was interpreting it.

I knew I was triggered, I could even name my trigger so I tried to express myself vs shut down – well, I am still learning how to use my words in these situations.

It got a little heated as we quietly yet firmly went back and forth, back and forth – to the point he exclaimed “I’m calling my dad and canceling”.

Eek! Panic!

I quickly explained that canceling would change nothing and was not necessary because it would make me feel worse. I just needed him to hear me and my feelings at that moment.

We were at such an impasse.


Next Level Trigger

Then my FIL called and canceled himself explaining that meeting after my obligation just seemed easier for the timing of the day.

That was it. I got what I wanted. I wasn’t being left behind.

Within seconds I was flooded with discomfort. I felt embarrassed, like I had made a big deal for nothing. I felt like an asshole, like I had intentionally tried to manipulate my hubby into feeling bad for wanting to go with his dad.

It was hard to pivot myself away from that space of “oh crap, I did something wrong and now he’s mad at me”.

Understanding Helps Me Heal

I am grateful for my hubby and the safety he helps create for me and for us in our partnership. By the end of the whole thing we were chuckling with each other and reflecting on the communication lessons that came from our morning back and forth.

Never a dull moment in healing. 😮‍💨

On goes the journey 💪🏻❤️‍🩹🔥


Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?

Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need. 

These small groups meet on alternating days of the week via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.

You can also book individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon for private support in a closed space. You deserve support as you heal, and I am here to help. You don’t have to heal alone.

On the Journey Peer Support Monthly Package

As a part of this monthly support program you will gain access to all Survivor’s Circle Peer Support group support sessions every month as well as individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon each month. 

Hi, I am Shanon

I am a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. I am also a survivor with years committed to my own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C) PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, I have a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.

I specialize in helping survivors like you make connections between real time experiences and past trauma wounds, identify and communicate boundaries, create self-care plans that work, navigate big emotions and trauma responses, reparent your inner child, and embody your own self-worth through the healing process with confidence and personal empowerment.

These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.

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