He didn’t protect me,
he made me available.
He didn’t love me,
he used me.
He didn’t teach me,
he frightened me.
I cried silently,
so he wouldn’t hear.
Still, I wanted to stay with him forever.
When I needed him as a child,
his priorities conflicted.
When it mattered the most,
he betrayed me.
A witness for the defense,
he took his side, and protected my abuser.
Still, I loved him and needed his love in return.
I left at 14, seeking haven with other loved ones.
He told me I was a gold-digger.
He called me a meal ticket.
He told me to go to hell.
Still, I cried for him often.
He stopped talking to me completely.
He sent a Christmas card back ‘return to sender’.
Still, I kept that unopened card because of his handwriting.
And then he died.
Suddenly, unexpected, young.
With no apologies,
no admission of guilt,
no acceptance of responsibility.
And he left me an orphan at 25.
I have found closure to be fleeting.
acceptance a struggle,
and emotions overwhelming.
He was my father.
but only in name.
by: Shanon Page
Looking for Ways to Connect With Other Survivors and/or Receive Support as You Heal?
Survivor’s Circle Peer Support Groups might be just what you need.
These small groups meet on alternating days of the week via Zoom. In these groups, survivors connect, share, and support each other through the ebbs and flows of healing. Attend a session and experience the magical healing that happens when survivors connect and support each other through shit only we can understand.
You can also book individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon for private support in a closed space. You deserve support as you heal, and I am here to help. You don’t have to heal alone.
On the Journey Peer Support Monthly Package
As a part of this monthly support program you will gain access to all Survivor’s Circle Peer Support group support sessions every month as well as individual 1:1 peer support sessions with Shanon each month.
Hi, I am Shanon
I am a trauma informed, trained, and Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Wisconsin. I am also a survivor with years committed to my own trauma healing after being diagnosed with (C) PTSD due to childhood abuse. Additionally, I have a professional and personal history of community facilitation and peer work.
I specialize in helping survivors like you make connections between real time experiences and past trauma wounds, identify and communicate boundaries, create self-care plans that work, navigate big emotions and trauma responses, reparent your inner child, and embody your own self-worth through the healing process with confidence and personal empowerment.
These support groups and 1:1 peer support sessions should not replace professional therapy; they will however provide additional support and information.
I don’t want to like this because it is absolutely heartbreaking to hear about the betrayal and abandonment.
My words are failing me at this time but my hope for you is that soon the pain eases.
You deserved so much more than what you got. <3
Heartbreaking. I wish you peace and continued healing. 🙏🏼
Beautifully written. I am truly sorry.
Chronic childhood abuse wires our brains differently, normal people have no idea what we endure
Such a sad story, it seems to be told over and over.
Seems like with all the advancements in science and technology and information about raising kids, we should do much better
Rereading the body keeps the score, this stood out:
The disappearance of medial prefrontal activation could explain why so many traumatized people lose their sense of purpose and direction.
The lack of self-awareness in victims of chronic childhood trauma is sometimes so profound that they cannot recognize themselves in a mirror.
So we have a hard time with trust and purpose,