My recovery from childhood sexual abuse
“All that is gold does not glitter,Not all those who wander are lost;The old that is strong does not wither,Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken,A light from the shadows shall spring;Renewed shall be blade that was broken,The crownless again shall be king.”― J.R.R. Tolkien There is... Continue Reading →
Is it coincidence,or irony,that during a time when I am intimately working oncoming to terms with the fact that I have been a motherless daughter my whole life,my own child decided to stop talking to me? How to put into words what it feels like carrying the grief that I do,of my own losses, disappointments,... Continue Reading →
This morning I started writing about somethingother than this.I had an itinerary for the day,and I was right on schedule.Now, how to describe this feeling?What words best fitthat pivotal moment when things changed today.Triggered?Trauma Response?Flight Mode?Any, or all perhaps.My focus is lost,and exhaustion has set in.It happened so quickly I wasn't able to properly brace myself.It... Continue Reading →
As I move through the uncertainty of the recent events in my life, I am slowly gaining perspective.
Sometimes the sadnessis so think in my lungs,so visceral through my body. How much loss can one heart carry?At what point will it finally shatterinto so many piecesthey never fit back together? How much rejection can one soul bearbefore it is scarred forever?Imprinted with grief,beaten down,unable to recharge. It feels like it will always be... Continue Reading →
There is a dark hole at the center of my core. Its pull magnetic, unrelenting, dangerous. A hole burned into my essence by abusive and violent hands, words of belittlement, and betrayals unimaginable. A hole so deep the bottom is an illusion, filled with sadness, with rage, and with the stolen innocence of a young girl. A hole echoing with the shame, embarrassment, and self-hatred of a lost child. A continuously... Continue Reading →
Grief can feel so physical, so visceral, in every part of my body.
She’s so scared right now, the little girl inside. She feels betrayed, hurt, and angry. She wants moral justice for her pain. How quickly life lost direction. She is panicked, frenzied. Her feelings are bleeding through. Breaking the surface, becoming my own. The woman: Held captive by the chaos of the little girl’s responses. Living... Continue Reading →
A poem of resilience; of a child's dreams of hope, and a woman's acceptance of her own bravery.
Buy me a Coffee
I provide all my writing for free because it is so necessary for us to connect – but your financial support is very appreciated and it helps allow me to continue focusing on this while still supporting my family.
$5.00
Welcome to my journey through C-PTSD in the aftermath of childhood sexual abuse. Come along as I share all the the ugly, the messy, and the chaos that follows trauma into adulthood. We can all learn and heal together.
