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  1. You are tapping into something that is so critically important for survivors. Thank you for your thoughtful work and words that you share.

  2. I get the same feelings when my son and I clash..and he’s just 11. It’s as though everything just instantly shuts down and I go into turtle-mode and tuck my head into my shell until it’s over. I fear that my withdrawls over the years have damaged him and it’s part of the reason I allowed him to live with his father. I just couldn’t handle the rage any longer. I sometimes feel like if I should never have been allowed to have children considering I can barely handle my own issues let alone theirs…ugh

  3. Thank u. My dad abused me and my daughter although I stopped it when she was 3 and I do the very best I can my daughter hates me. Dealing with the next generation of abuse is just as hard if not harder than being a child. I try to be a good mum but I also know she hates me and I have to figure out how to survive With my other kid while Living like this. Not a topic I’ve ever heard spoken about before. Thank you

    1. Knowing that I am not alone in this means a lot to me. I am so sorry you know what it feels like to go through this with a child, I wouldn’t wish this on any parent. I also have a younger child that I have to keep in mind as I tread these waters.

      I definitely felt the uncomfortable vulnerability of this post when I wrote it. Knowing that it has found it’s place with someone who needed to read it helps me too. πŸ™β˜ΊWishing you peace and strength as you journey through healing.

  4. I’m glad you were able to get the website issue dealt with. It’s frustrating to have things like that taking time away from the places where you’d rather devote energy.

      1. It’s tough sometimes, because like you said it really does have to happen many times with some seriously uncomfortable stuff before it starts to stick.

        All we can do is give a cheeky smile and keep on going, 100%. 😊

  5. Oh man, I’m so sorry to hear this. You have done well to keep writing through these tough times.

    That really is heartbreaking. And he left behind two children, too. It’s hard to understand. My uncle committed suicide when I was about 5, leaving behind a wife and child. It’s hard to understand what could sneak up so severely like that with those people around you.

    It’s just crazy that you already had tough things to write about and to process, and now this in real-time.

    πŸ’™πŸ’™πŸ’™

    1. Thank you. πŸ™πŸ» Definitely getting my fair share of β€œpractice” with boundaries and ptsd symptom management these last few weeks.

      Hope the universe sees my white flag … I just need a day or two rest. 😞

  6. I think it’s hard to make sense of suicide because, at least for the most part, it doesn’t come from a place of sense. I’ve tried to end my life several times, and there was never a “why” that would have been understandable outside my own mind.

    I’m very sorry for your loss, and wish you, your husband, and the people close to you well as you work through this grief.

  7. I have lost so many friends and family this way and a good friend just shared a similar story with me. Sending you all so much caring for such a difficult time.

  8. Sounds like you’re done a lot, especially given what’s been going on lately.

    I rarely set time frames around my goals because it’s hard to predict my functioning. Motivation isn’t really an issue for me, so flexible timelines work well.

  9. Goals for July? I need to get more EMDR therapy, and that’s on the to-do list. Good luck and blessings to both of us for a great month!

  10. Sorry to hear this. Keep strong. πŸ’™. I can’t imagine the feelings of anxiety and dread about a funeral like that.

    “There is no denying the connection she and I have.”

    That is an amazing thing to have :). I have a similar thing with my younger brother. There’s 12 and a half years between us and I used to put him to bed and things, a lot of the parental things when I needed to. He’d always choose me over parents for bedtime stories πŸ˜…. It’s really cool to have an emotional connection like that.

    It’s definitely true that life gets harder and more anxious the more emotional investments we have. The paradox of life. It’s much more rich and rewarding for those investments, yet harder to keep anxiety away. Some anxiety is good and useful, I find that’s good to remember, but of course the unhealthy sustained kind isn’t so much.

    1. What a great bond you and your brother have!

      I have a younger sister. We have different moms and spend most of our lives unknown to each other.

      We’ve been connected for years, but only in the last few as I shake the dissociation and reconnect to myself and life have she and I begun to build a connection and get to know each other. I’m sad for the years I missed but grateful for her lack of judgment, her understanding, and her embrace now.

      I took a few days and let life have its way with me. I really needed to disconnect. Don’t feel fully rested or recharged yet, but life must go on. That paradox you mentioned is no joke!! πŸ™πŸ»πŸ’œ

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