0 thoughts on “Downloads

  1. You are a shining star. Stay strong. I can totally understand how this all can trigger emotional turmoil. Especially when members from abuser side of your family (read: not family) can try to “correct” the history. Thanks to your trauma work that you have done so far that enables you to process and navigate through this. πŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’šπŸ’ͺ

  2. Gaslighters really can’t help themselves! How sad for her – she’s obviously been so manipulated and gaslighted herself she feels the need to do it to you, too. You’re doing a great job acknowledging yourself and exploring what you’re feeling. Stay safe x

  3. You can also block people by IP address or words in the body of comments, like family member names. It’s too bad that with blocking there isn’t a way to redirect people to a page that says go fuck yourself and stay away from my site.

  4. Oh boy… these families look so similar to each other. They behave the same… in sheer denial and shame. Sorry you’re going through this, again. Thanks for sharing the real journey. Xoxoxo

  5. We completely understand how it feels.
    We want you and we love you.
    We know that our little family is far from perfect but we are doing the work to heal our stuff.
    You are one of the most amazing and beautiful people that we know, and it’s an absolute privilege to have you as a part of our life.
    We truly hope that your family reads this comment because they need to know that they really don’t deserve to have you in their life at all.

  6. Totally agree about absolutes, they are used too freely and it feels to me that there’s been a trend to abuse them more. That quote would be better, and the debate from it avoidable, if it said: “it’s a would to the soul that may never heal”.

    Still, I recognise the debate would still be there, just not necessarily spurred by this quote. For me the idea of debating things as personal and subjective as this is kind of pointless, because whatever your situation you deserve to be met and validated at that point in your journey, as you say. Your personal experience of your internal state isn’t up for debate! Haha.

  7. I agree that healing is a process! I have done well in life and succeeded beyond my imagination but there are still times when I am back to my childhood with my abuser. For example, the smell of Old Spice (a scent worn by my abuser) will still transport me back to the exact time and place in my mind. At least for me accepting that my healing is fluid and not static was very freeing and allowed me to forgive myself more easily when I “slipped” up.

  8. I really understand where you are coming from in your reflections on your dad. My dad was such an asshole in some ways, selfish, unprincipled, impulsive, dishonest. I think he abused me (but I sometimes still doubt myself in spite of everything). And… I love snd miss him. He died in October of a stroke. It was very similar to your father’s death, except bc of COVID, I couldn’t travel to the hospital. Ever since he died, I find myself remembering the sweet times, his playfulness and spontaneity, his musical talent, his pride in my academic achievement.

    It’s been very important to my growth and healing to allow myself to hold contradictory emotions, to live someone who harmed me.

    1. I agree. Learning to hold space for multiple emotions to coexist has been pivotal in my healing, but also very difficult to learn. I’m sorry you’re going through similar, but I’m glad for the company πŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

  9. “Just this year I began openly and verbally identifying him as an abuser”

    And this despite everything you’ve done, this blog, talking about it. This reveals so much about what you’ve been through. πŸ’™

    I don’t quite have complex PTSD, but there’s definitely a lot of trauma healing to do, and your blog is so helpful for such people :).

  10. These are good prompts, thank you!

    Today I did something that I was scared to do. I told my mom that I applied to an internship in a field that I don’t think she expects me to work in. I think I helped myself through the situation by being objective and telling her my factual plans, and asking her what she thought of it. It also helped that I had talked to my friend about it first.

  11. Thank you for sharing this. Unfortunately, no matter how far we progress in our own healing the stinging words from others find a way to hit some very deeply painful wounds. I know this all too well.
    Thank you for continuing to shine a light on hard topics. Your bravery is inspiring and has the capacity to help others immensely. πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—

  12. You are right, there is no time limit on healing, and I think we are never really done. At least I am not done yet, after a loooong time healing.
    And that’s ok.
    After some time we realize that we are still healing, but already healthier than most people around us. They never really felt the urgent need to do something bout their emotional health… You are moving, evolving, and most people do not. Take care.

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