Things I wish I had known, and things that I have learned after 12 months of therapy and recovery from childhood sexual abuse.
When I started writing this blog about my trauma, I envisioned it as a landing pad for all the crazy emotions, thoughts, memories, nightmares, and anxiety I am dealing with. That was it; short-sighted, huh? It is hard work trying to process and simultaneously integrate the reality of my childhood into my everyday life; a... Continue Reading →
Glorious. What my childhood could have been, should have been, but was not. Family vacations, weekend bar-b-ques, with photo albums full of happy memories, these things did not exist. Sadness, loss, grief, shame, I have plenty. Glorious. Oh, how it could have been, how it should have been … Instead, nightmares, silence, fear, betrayal, loneliness,... Continue Reading →
Flashbacks. Unexpected, uninvited. They take over my mind, and my body. They touch the very core of my being, where emotion is so raw, and rob me of precious moments in the present. Images flash in my mind pulling me back in time, my senses alert, I feel it all ... fear; shame; helplessness; how... Continue Reading →
I have had a hard time lately sitting down to write. Even when I am not posting I try to journal, if I do not address all my emotions they come out one way or another whether it be tears, rage, or raging tears. But lately, I have not been able to find words for... Continue Reading →
Traumas may vary but I've found that the effects often don't. For the last 8 months, I have been facing my childhood of sexual abuse head on, which has not been an easy feat: I often transverse between confidence and terrified emotional chaos. As I child, it was deep-seated into me not to trust my... Continue Reading →
As a survivor of sexual abuse as a child, I am working hard to recognize and undo a lot of negative connotations about myself. One of the hardest, “I am not good enough”. I spent my whole childhood feeling like a burden to the family that was supposed to love me. I was raised by... Continue Reading →
I fight my emotions, a lot. All the emotions that are bottled up inside. When they get intense I get hung up on the fact that I actually feel them rather than allowing myself to process and deal with what has caused them to begin with. It has been my biggest struggle in therapy, feeling my... Continue Reading →