My recovery from childhood sexual abuse
When I started writing this blog about my trauma, I envisioned it as a landing pad for all the crazy emotions, thoughts, memories, nightmares, and anxiety I am dealing with. That was it; short-sighted, huh? It is hard work trying to process and simultaneously integrate the reality of my childhood into my everyday life; a... Continue Reading →
I want you all to know how grateful I am to have you here on my site, sharing this journey with me.
Emerging Proud featured my Story as a Trauma Survivor. Oh, and did I mention it's subarctic out?
When I started writing this blog about my trauma, I envisioned it as a landing pad for all the crazy emotions, thoughts, memories, nightmares, and anxiety I am dealing with. That was it; short-sighted, huh? It is hard work trying to process and simultaneously integrate the reality of my childhood into my everyday life; a... Continue Reading →
I must leave a trail,an escape,a way back to safety. Just likeHansel and Gretel,I will leave a trail of crumbs. Still, they were caught by the witch. Their trail did not work.Safety did not exist.I know that witches are not real.But monsters are. In human form.Upstanding in their communities,family men,with integrity. HA!! Is it irony,or... Continue Reading →
I open my mouth to speak,no sound comes out.My young mind,a whirlwind of thoughts,and emotions.I want to scream,anything to breakthe silence. This silence is so deafening,so dangerous.Intentional,encouraged,it destroys pieces of my soul. Protect him;the secrets,the lies,the facade of a perfect family. Under the surface,evil,darkness,forbidden pleasure.A child’s bodyso young,so innocent. Years pass,secrets uncovered,lies untold,the perfect family... Continue Reading →
Glorious. What my childhood could have been, should have been, but was not. Family vacations, weekend bar-b-ques, with photo albums full of happy memories, these things did not exist. Sadness, loss, grief, shame, I have plenty. Glorious. Oh, how it could have been, how it should have been … Instead, nightmares, silence, fear, betrayal, loneliness,... Continue Reading →
After decades of disassociation from the effects of my childhood abuse, I started having flashbacks. That was nine months ago. At first, they were just images, memories that I saw but didn’t actually remember, then they became physical. I could feel them; sense them I talked about them a little with my therapist, I mentioned... Continue Reading →
Flashbacks. Unexpected, uninvited. They take over my mind, and my body. They touch the very core of my being, where emotion is so raw, and rob me of precious moments in the present. Images flash in my mind pulling me back in time, my senses alert, I feel it all ... fear; shame; helplessness; how... Continue Reading →
As a survivor of sexual abuse as a child, I am working hard to recognize and undo a lot of negative connotations about myself. One of the hardest, “I am not good enough”. I spent my whole childhood feeling like a burden to the family that was supposed to love me. I was raised by... Continue Reading →