So much shame,
and it weighs heavy.
My explosive rages, my constant apologies.
My lack of control, as emotions spill all over, wild and messy.
My reactions, rooted in fear –
Tell you what I feel?
What does that even mean?
No energy today,
laundry, groceries, dishes …
A shower?
Is it 5pm already?
And now you want dinner, but I’m not even hungry.
I know you miss my touch,
my smile,
the “old” me that you first fell in love with
I know the distance is cool –
Please know I still love you, and I miss you too,
I just can’t control my mind and body so well right now.
It’s a lot to ask, I know.
And how can you even begin to understand my pain?
Is it unfair that I need a little bit extra from you?
More than you, I wish these things were not so.
More than you, I wish I could flip a switch.
More than you, I wish I could just get over it.
But I can’t.
So much shame,
and it weighs heavy.
~~~~~
Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this post don’t forget to click like, and then follow my blog.
Please stop by and check out the essential oils that I use for coping and the books that I reference for clarity and understanding as I learn to live with PTSD.
Do you have a hobby? I make homemade cards as part of my self care routine.
If music plays a big role in coping for you, like it does for me, try this 30-day free trial
Products are linked to purchase for your convenience; and your support through my affiliate links (at no additional costs to you) help me maintain this blog and continue sharing my journey to heal.
Love & Support 💜💚
I hear you. I see you. Although we must navigate the internal journey ourselves – there is comfort in knowing our responses, reactions and thoughts are shared experiences and therefore, we are not so ‘out of the ordinary’ or so ‘alone’ afterall. You are an amazing human doing the best you can and making a positive difference in the process. Much love 💜