“A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.” –Thomas Mann
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wrote yesterday; for two reasons. One, I am still struggling against a mind that is resting when I want to be a little bit more productive. Two, I’ve really been thinking a lot about my lifelong love of writing.
The Star Princess is a 39 page story I wrote 27 years ago in 7th grade; my teacher gave me extra time on that project. I still have the hard copy! I can recall three other short stories I wrote in middle school, but only in my memory. I can’t tell you how many unfinished ideas I had scribbled into notebooks as a young teenager before I just stopped.
There is a very creative kid inside me, with an unabashed love of writing, I just don’t know how deeply she has hidden herself.
I can’t help but think that writing is helping me reconnect to her, to myself, more directly than I realize.
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.”-Albert Einstein
There is no denying my imagination as a kid. I grew up as an only child even though I had a half sister. I played with dolls, recorded talk shows on my cassette player, and made hand sewed clothes for my babies. I remember playing “ship on the raging sea” on the playground equipment with other kids in the neighborhood.
I knew how to pretend, how to be expressive, and how to be creative.
However, over the course of my early childhood of abuse, that creativity fizzled and that expressive little girl became withdrawn and timid. I grew into a young girl with my eyes cast downward, my hands clasp, and a silent prayer no one noticed me.
As I entered middle school the sparkly little girl would peek her head out occasionally, but only in the stories.
“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”-Roy T. Bennett
So, as I sit here in contemplation of my connection to my inner child and the part that writing plays in that; I see that it is a catalyst for parts of my healing.
A fellow blogger shared some thoughts with me about their take on the balance of writing factually about mental health vs. tapping into the creative, fictional side: “… having thoughts like this [about writing fictional stories] was a sign of my having healed a bit, and now I’m going back and forth between creative writing and factual. Some of the most inspired and satisfying writing can come through hardships, so there’s a bit of a love-hate relationship, in that I am flooded with inspiration when confronting difficulties!”
It really struck me and it holds so much truth. I write to help spread awareness and to put a real-life face to the struggles of mental health and trauma healing. All the while keeping myself totally focused on the things causing me the most pain. By tapping into the creative side and allowing myself to let go and create – that is surely a sign that I am healing.
“Creativity takes courage. ”-Henri Matisse
Creativity means letting go of complete control. I have to allow my mind and senses to be vulnerable and receptive as I reconnect to myself and create whatever spills out of me.
After living for over 20 years disconnected from myself, this could pose an interesting challenge to start – or maybe not.
I have decided to explore fictional short story writing again. I’m going to seek out my inner kid and see what kind of creations we can come up.
It is time to show myself that it is safe to come out.
“You can recognize survivors by their creativity. In soulful, insightful, gentle, and nurturing creations, they often express the inner beauty they brought out of childhood storms.”-Jeanne McElvaney
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